Best dating advice I could ever give.

Best dating advice I could ever give

The best dating advice I could ever give.

Stop dating imaginary people. Period.

I know, I know this sounds like a huge revelation – the truth remains – half the people reading this blog are dating a person in their head that isn’t real.

I did it myself.

I have a picture hanging in my living room of my imaginary boyfriend. I saw this picture in a very fancy store called Ikea. I saw the image and my heart was beating with such fervor I had to purchase it.

Here is the picture:

PJÄTTERYD Bild - IKEA - Mozilla Firefox_2012-02-14_10-50-35

The truth is – this was the image of the man I thought I would end up with. He loved the beach and surf culture, was driven but also a free spirit, had some kind of influence + was a natural leader.
He was me.

My imaginary boyfriend so closely depicted me that it truly showed me the condition of my heart.
What does your imaginary boyfriend look like? If you really reflect on this I think you will see their are some heart issues at hand.

I’ve mentored several women with imaginary boyfriends – all different issues.
One friend was “dating” a guy that had the social circles and influence she so desperately desired.
Another friend was “dating” a man that would support her in all her dreams and give up anything for her.
Do you see a problem with these men?

They aren’t real people but are depictions of real issues that need a resolve.

Ok, so now what?
This is the most practical way I know to date a real person that is really good for you:
Make a list of 50 must haves. Anything that this person must have to be your partner for a long and fruitful life.
Examples: driven, likes to go on adventures, financially stable, Christian, leader

Then make a list of 50 can’t stands. These are things that you simply can not put up with.
Examples: selfish, addicted to pornography, lying

Then take your lists and narrow each one down to 10. Yes, 10. I spent about a week narrowing down my list and really thinking about what mattered. Make sure that if something is in your can’t stand list – that this is a non-negotiable. Meaning – if you meet a guy and he has all 10 must haves but one can’t stand things are finished.

I know this sounds like I am trying to keep you in some kind of box – but the truth is – it is the most freeing thing in the world. You will save yourself time and heartache from dating some serious can’t stands.

Here is how I know it works. I met a guy and spent months rationalizing why I couldn’t date him. He didn’t have the occupation I imagined my boyfriend having, he loved working out and I had no value for that, etc. However, after some time I looked at my list and realized he had every must have and zero can’t stands. All my reasons for not being interested in him were not non- negotiables.

We started dating and now all those stupid little reasons I wouldn’t date him are now even things I absolutely adore about him.

This isn’t just my story but the story of several other friends. So please, trust me with this.

My last word of advice:
Allow guys to pursue you. I think a lot of times why girls get the title of being crazy is because we are trying to “figure it all out.”
We can’t.
You will never have to figure out if the guy you are supposed to be with likes you. He will make it clear. So rest in that.

And fellas – no girl wants to date a little boy. So act like a man, make your intentions clear, ask out a girl if you like her and be an honest person.

 

{On Sunday, my pastors Paul + Andi Andrew spoke on dating + marriage – they gave some really great advice. Listen here}

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