Being a Girl in NYC: Post Four: Friendship With the Opposite Sex

This is part of the “being a girl in nyc” series by Gracie and I for our Community Group at Liberty Church. These posts are based solely on our own thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

 Friendship With the Opposite Sex

modernwonderland.com having a guy best fri

I knew this was a topic I needed to include in this series. This is probably one of the most often debated subject in circles discussing boundaries. I decided to do a little research on pinterest before writing the post.

 

There are literally hundreds of posts about “Guy Best Friends.”
Some reasons for having a guy best friend include:
• Less Drama
• Guys aren’t afraid to laugh
• They are more honest
• They are more loyal
• They won’t tell anyone your secrets
• They won’t try to steal the guy you like
• They will give you your sweatshirt when you’re cold
modernwonderland.com best friends
This is my best friend – that is a girl. Guess what … She is

 

• Less Drama
• She isn’t afraid to laugh
• She is honest
• She is loyal
• She wont tell anyone my secrets
• She won’t try to steal the guy I like
• She gave me her sweatshirt when I was cold (and a beanie! see photo)
**Bonus – We can borrow each others heels and clothes when going out.

 

While I continued to read Pinterest, I realized a few things. 
1. Most girls were hoping that their “friend” would fall in love with them.
2. Most girls wanted a “guy friend” that really acted much like a boyfriend.
3. Most girls had been hurt by another girl and created trust issues.

 

So… Do I think that a girl should have a best “guy friend.” Someone she shares all her secrets with. A guy that she can laugh with, go on adventures, trust, even borrow his sweatshirts. Yes, I absolutely do! He can also be called – Your Husband.

 

wait for it… some of you are offended. 

 

I get it, I really do. In college I had several “guy best friends.” No one was better at justifying why it was so much better to have guys as your best friends. I even lived with 5 guys and nothing further than friendship happened. However, I remained single. I also had several issues when it came to trusting girls and guys that I would date.

 

I honestly think that having a “guy best friend” is a band-aid. It is a quick fix to some bigger problems. Why is it that you can’t trust girls? Do you need to forgive some people? Are you making friends that are trust worthy?

 

I strongly believe that for a healthy relationship to flourish between you and a guy – you need to create some REAL boundaries between you and your “guy best friend.” I don’t believe that you should process things emotionally with the opposite sex. I believe that it is unhealthy and will just create a bigger problem down the road.

 

Let’s say – best case scenario – you do meet someone and end up together while having a “guy best friend.” I promise you – someone is going to end up hurt in this scenario. Either your new guy will struggle with comparison – wondering why you don’t talk to him about things, why there is someone in the middle of your relationship, and constantly wondering if you or him liked or like each other. OR – you “guy best friend” that you care so deeply about will feel both abandoned and replaced.

 

So, my challenge to you – go make some girl best friends. Yes, this may be scary. Yes, it is worth it.

 

If you have questions about setting boundaries, or where to meet great girl best friends – feel free to email me.Info@freelybe.org
***

 

What are your thoughts on being best friends with a guy?

 

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12 Comments

  1. Kudos for tackling a tough topic. I agree that it’s a precarious situation and I’m with you on having your BFF be a girl — I couldn’t live without my girlfriends. While I have great guy friends, I reserve that level of vulnerability and openness for my girlfriends — and hopefully one day for a husband. 🙂

  2. Eek, I’m going to be the first one to disagree! I actually think ALL of your points are valid, so I’m not really disagreeing. 🙂 But I don’t feel that “best friend” should be limited by gender! I for one cannot STAND when girls say that they “just can’t be friends with girls” because they are “too much drama” or some other lame excuse. I have some of the best friends in the entire world. But my best friend in the world is a guy, and there is zero romantic chemistry — never has been (we’ve known each other for 10+ years) and never will be! For me, a best friend encompasses all of the traits you mentioned above: loyal, honest, aren’t afraid to laugh, etc. A husband encompasses all of those traits, but also fulfills a WHOLE different set of criteria: must be a family man, must have the same beliefs as me, must appreciate my political views even if his don’t perfectly align, must have physical and sexual chemistry, must be smart with money, etc. Those “extras” are things I don’t necessarily care about seeing in a best friend, but they are “must haves” for a husband.

    My best guy friend and I have completely different political views, will probably raise our families in different parts of the world, and don’t believe in the same “higher power.” Oh, and there is NO sexual chemistry. 🙂 But I love him, share all of my deepest secrets with him, trust him with my life, and would throw myself in front of a bus for him if I had to.

    I am loving this series, and hoping you aren’t offended that I disagree! 🙂

  3. I love this! I struggled with this for a long few years at the end of high school/early college…I only made friendships with guys…but that was because I only made those a priority. When it comes down to it, I realized that while I love my guy friends {and the goofiness they bring to my life} there is something about a group of girlfriends {or just one awesome best girl friend} that can’t be replaced with boys!

  4. YES! I totally agree with this. So many of my girlfriends say “I hate girls. They’re so (enter standard statement that’s all over pintrest).” The worse part is that they’re saying this to me, a girl. On top of it all, I watch them be the one who causes the drama and the lack of honesty, and be on the hunt for a potential bf on top of it all. But, what are your thoughts on lesbians saying the same thing (rather hang out with guys than girls)?

  5. Thank you for sharing. This is a great perspective and something that definitely needs to be talked about more! I went through a lot of this before I was married. I’ve a had a few guy best friends through the years and absolutely adored them like brothers. I didn’t purposely go out and find guy friends as apposed to girls, I just got along really great with them and it just happened that way. Plus I don’t think I was much of a girly girl so that probably contributed!
    When you get to that place with someone and you’re single there are no boundaries to your friendship. This became a problem when my husband came along! I wanted to keep that closeness with both of them but I didn’t realise how unhealthy that can be for your marriage. God created us to have that strong emotional and spiritual bond with our ‘one’ and the more we cultivate and develop that – the better we are for it! We’re much better off when we take a step back..and real guy friends understand that 🙂

  6. I completely disagree with this!! I have a guy friend. We watch each other (to learn about each other), we joke with each other, he will tell me the truth, we have fun together, we talk about random topics!!!!! I would not be surprised if something comes out of this. We like each other!!!!!

  7. Just to come from a totally different direction… I have two best friends. One is a guy, and one is a girl. There are things I will talk about with the girl that I won’t talk about with the guy. But there are different things I appreciate about both. I think I’m best friends with the girl because we’re very alike with some little differences, while I’m friends with the guy because we’re pretty different with several similarities. Balance is the key, as in all friendships.

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