on passion and chemistry.
Back when I wrote the post on the myths and truths behind Christian dating, I realized how important this particular topic is to me. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard and seen settle in to relationships because “it’s the right thing to do” or just because “he’s a great Christian man.”
Well, that’s all well and good…but what about being madly, truly, passionately in love with someone? Just because that’s the aspect of love often depicted in fairy tales, that doesn’t mean that it’s not real. And it certainly doesn’t mean that it’s not important.
Here are some of my thoughts on passion and chemistry in a relationship.
Sometimes chemistry occurs instantly between two people. Some Christians see this as being a negative thing because it’s “just too fast” and “can’t be healthy.” I don’t fully agree with that. I firmly believe in and have experienced having an instant connection with someone, and I’ll be honest – it’s pretty great. If you’re being wise and using discernment, timing and speed can become irrelevant. With that being said, though, it really is important to make sure you don’t let that chemistry overshadow other important aspects of being in a relationship, like the things you put on your “must have” and “can’t stand” lists.
Other times, it can take some time to grow. And that’s okay too. I personally think that’s why it’s so important to give people the chance at least 2-3 dates. I’ve been on dates with guys where I was “so-so” at first, but by the third date I realized I did in fact really like him. A lot of times the strongest connection between two people is one that is discovered slowly.
Passion and chemistry – to us – is a “must have.” Whether it’s instant or grows over time, it just HAS to be there. We see passion and chemistry as one of the things that acts as glue in a relationship. When issues come and go, there is the common bond of intimacy on a different level that nothing can tear apart.
…but it’s not the only thing. Like I said before, focusing on having a relationship with only passion (and no communication, trust, etc.) can be the foundation for an extremely unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship.
You might be thinking, “but I’ve heard that passion fades, so why is it that important?”
Honestly, I don’t believe that to be true. Yes – love and passion does change and evolve over time. I’m no expert, but I am surrounded by many couples that have been married for 10, 20, 40 years (including my own parents), and they have proven that it is possible to keep the passion there long-term. In fact, most of those couple are even more passionately in love when they were in their honeymoon phase.
Lastly, I believe that God wants us to experience Eros love with another human being, as depicted in the book of Song of Solomon. The partnership between a man and woman is meant to symbolize the covenant relationship between Christ and His bride (the church), and I believe that that love is supposed to feel stronger than a friendship, and deeper than it being “the right thing.” God is purposeful and intentional, so I believe He created passion and chemistry for a reason.