Last night was a game changer for myself + countless other woman. To be honest, I am still in a whirlwind of emotion. There is so much to process. So I figured this would be a good place to do so.
Last night we had a Liberty Church Sisterhood Gathering. If you click the link you can read all about what Sisterhood is. My sister in law Andi started Liberty Sisterhood with the vision of building a community of women that were healthy, strong, knew who they were, and were catalysts for change. About this time last year, Andi got the vision for She is Free. Wow, that is crazy to think that was only about a year ago. She is Free would be an extension of Sisterhood. It would be our first conference at Liberty Church and Andi has shared her vision to start a movement that would help women rediscover femininity and experience true freedom – body, soul and spirit.
Another day I will share my vision for She is Free and what I see God doing in the woman of New York City and around the world… but for now, let’s stick to last night.
So I guess my story for this really starts Wednesday night. Andi had emailed the women in her community group saying:
” I would love for each of you to share (if your comfortable to) what you’ve been set free from, and what you’re believing for other women to be set free from.”
Easy enough, right? Wrong.
I spent the night turning over in my bed, my heart pounding and my mind reeling. God was speaking to me but I didn’t want him to. I woke up at 5:30 am (not because I couldn’t sleep haha because Andi’s community group is at 7 am!! – Yes, priorities!)
As I brushed my teeth and prepared for the day I thought… Well, I think I might just skip community group.
As I forced myself to get my butt on the train and show up – my heart beat fervently inside my chest. Now, I would like to pause here for a second and just encourage you in something…
Andi’s Community Group
THE ENEMY DOES NOT WANT YOU TO BE FREE. PLEASE HEAR ME. So when your alarm doesn’t go off, or your train doesn’t show up, or you “feel” overwhelmed, tired, burnt out. PUSH THROUGH. It’s likely that breakthrough is right on the other side of your feelings + circumstances. Ok, I’m done. haha
So we sat in Community group and Andi had us write on cards what we have been free from and what we are believing for. I wrote down on my card my freedom from addictions, depression, and suicidal thoughts – and was believing for woman to be set free in these areas as well.
We went around the circle and each person read their cards. My eyes welled up because yes, I had been set free from those things and many other things – but this was not what God wanted me to share.
As everyone went around and cried and cheered we celebrated what God was doing and what He was going to do.
The Dee said “I need to say something” Dangit DEE! Why did you have to go and say something. Dee shared her freedom from hiding and brought things to a level of vulnerability that I didn’t know was possible. She then prayed.
STOP DEE!!! STOP PRAYING!!! AHHH PLEASE STOP!!!
My heart was popping through my veins and my soul was exploding. I felt Gods love just pour over me and I kept hearing the words “Jessi, give me all of you. Your life is not your own. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
So we sat down and then I said “I need to say something.” —- Followed by tears, word vomit, and prayer.
For the first time in my life I shared every hidden and deep place in my heart. Things that I resolved would stay hidden and secret forever. Well, till now. Then Andi says “I want you to share this tomorrow at Sisterhood…”
Ugh, NO ANDI! I just shared with a whole table of people. Isn’t that enough?
——————- Let’s now move to 24 hours later ———–Friday Morning ———————-
I had the worst nightmares of my life. Not surprised here.
I woke up dripping in sweat.
When you feel like this. Turn on worship music, LOUD and take out your bible and journal.
Reading your bible is not a thing “Good Christians Do.” IT IS LIFE in the midst of battle.
“God, God – please speak to me!”
“Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed; but he puts it on a lampstand, so that those who come in may see the light. 17“For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light. 18“So take care how you listen; for whoever has, to him more shall be given; and whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has shall be taken away from him.”
I then proceeded to listen to this song – 100 times:
The hidden parts of my life – I had brought to God. I had repented, received forgiveness, processed, and moved forward. However, God doesn’t want to JUST set us free. He wants to REDEEM us.
“You are not a victim. You are victorious.”